Oh! The Horror!

Even a man who is pure of heart.....

2010-10-17T12:47:00.000-07:00

The Classic Wolf Man dates from 1941 and seems to be seated in that era as well. The Father Talbot is a scientist and the younger Larry Talbot well we don't really know what he does but he works with a optical company. As we Find out when he helps fix his dads telescope and spy's upon the local women. (kinda purvey) Most notable our heroine Gwen Coniliff. He try's horribly to hit upon her at her fathers store. This is where he comes across the famous silver wolf cane and the story of the werewolf.

For some reason Gwen agrees to go out with him. (maybe she likes that annoying narcissistic ass type) But she brings her friend Jenny Williams along to keep her safe. Bella Lagosi plays a gypsy cursed with the mark of the beast. (thus being the first wolf man) who looks more like a painted German Sheppard. naturally the "wolf" attacks Jenny and Larry kills it with his cane, Not before being bitten of course.

Gwen and the Gypsy Women bring Larry home so he can recover from the wolf attack as the men of the village conduct a investigation. They find Jenny alright with a chunk taken out of her neck and the gypsy male (Bella) and start speculating that maybe Larry killed the gypsy man instead of the wolf. they head to Larry in the morning where his wound has healed over night. Fueling the investigator's story, leaving Larry paranoid and most of the villagers frantic.

The action slows as the gypsy's come to the village to celebrate the life of there fallen family member as Larry sinks further in to paranoia as the full moon is coming and he feels he is going to change. We only see the Wolfman in fleeting glances witch only goes to show you that film makers in this day and age only want to show off there digital effects because they all thought Avatar was cool (BARF) The Piratical effects on the transformation are amazing for there time and a great visual for anyone who wants to peruse film or effects. the story line is fantastic and although dated and a tad drawn out has a type of charm that has not been embraced by the new age films. This is why the wolf man remains a classic and movies like "blood and chocolate" will be forgotten

until then

Lies the movies told me.

2010-10-08T16:07:00.000-07:00

Grab your Popcorn and take a look as we discuss 5 things in movies that could never happen outside of a film!

Villains always wear dark colors : so not true in life Villains wear all colors and come in all shapes and sizes.
A drill is an affective killing device: this one is a debatable, you can kill some one with a drill but you will need a spade drill bit and your victim will need to be pretty much confined. more like the Toolbox Murder's drill instead of the Slumber party Massacre's. DRILLS WILL NOT SLICE VICTIMS.
You can NOT punch some ones head off: Yeah I'm looking at your Jason takes Manhattan. Granted nice effect but never could have happened
No matter how fast you run the killer will catch you when they are just walking: best advice is to zig zag when some one is chasing you but unless you stop or the killer knows a short cut they wont catch up easily.
the one hit K.O. yep if you get cut or shot in the leg or stomach you are not going to die instantly its going to take a bit until you bleed out and this give you a chance to STILL FIGHT BACK! if you are being attached by a killer fight back not just roll out of the way.

Well there you are 5 lies the movies tell you! More to come later.

now we are in OCTOBER YAY!!!!!!! and were going to review the Classic Universal Monsters!!!!

I had better get watching!

The (second) Ultimate Driller Killer Thriller

2010-09-21T18:28:00.000-07:00

So heres the one all (two) of you have been waiting for,the classic cut of 1982 Long Beach bloodletting and power tool euphemisms known as "The Slumber Party Massacre".Probably in the top 5 of goddamn entertaining post-"Friday the 13th" slasher film ,The Slumber Party Massacre is a rare type of slasher film and,yes if you keep and open mind and not snob the fuck out of it,is one of the most entertaining films available in the slasher or overall horror film cannon and next to Abel Ferrara's "The Driller Killer" is the best post "Texas Chainsaw" power tool slasher.The film plays out in the classic popcorn-type movie pace,not wasting any time and establishing a lot of foreshadowing while introducing us to key components of the movie, namely our main character Trish.We meet Trish(and Trish's naked boobies)on the morning her i'm-not-sure-what-they-do-for-a-living 80's parents hurridly pack their car to make it to the airport on time leaving Trish to herslef for a couple of days.But not before we get some of that great foreshadowing I mentioned earlier, here in the classic form of a news radio bulletin.As Trish changes for school we hear a not-quite Screamin' Steve Stevens break in with reports of the escape of notorious driller killer Russ Thorn,whose been incarcerated since 1969 for for his crimes.But in classic fashion Trish disregards this, absently tuning to another station.

So we have our set-up, so far perfectly establishing the series of events that shape the film in a admirably small frame of time, but filling us in with enough information to give us what we need to follow and doing it economically,something a lot of films in general have a hard time pulling off.So back to our story.Trish and her group of basketball gal pals are cooking up a slumber party while Trish's parents are away, little knowing that as their party gets underway, their voyeuristic male classmates who got wind of their party and show of for some peeping aren't the only problem waiting to ruin their mood.Our driller killer is closing in on their neighborhood, having by the 20 minuet mark already racked up three especially nasty kills with his giant handheld drill. So onto the slumber party we go, again being economic as well as conscious, intercutting between the girls and their party, the butt-whisker peeping classmates,and the driller killer getting ever closer having by now dispatched of the next door neighbor keeping an eye on things for Trish's folks and thus isolating the girls from any kind of salvation known to them.

But,oh now wait a minuet, the Killer has got himself a regular John McLane on his hands,here in the personage of party-shunned new-girl/next door neighbor Valerie, home alone farting around with the kid sister and who is invariably interwoven into the tapestry of the killer's plotting and stalking.But as the bodies of the interceding male characters(including a pizza guy) start piling up and getting attention from the few main girls who wander away from the party, Valerie and her sister start becoming suspicious, ultimately letting these suspicions give way to taking some initiative,keeping in contact with the girl's basketball coach as things get weirder(Get out of the House,Call the Police, all that neat stuff),until their suspicions mount and they go over to investigate, finding the classic "Halloween" vignettes of dead friends and only a few girls left alive at the mercy of our killer.The film culminates in a very not bad cat-and-mouse bit of girl power in which the tables are turned and the suspiciously phallic drill-bit of our killer is cut down to it's prime(Hilarious!!) and he himself is messily done in by a now battle worn and weary Valerie, thus ending the first and best of the Slumber Party Massacres.

Now i know I've been over this but I you really have to appreciate this movie if for nothing else than as a great technical achievement.There is A LOT going on in this movie, a lot of pace and set-up, a lot of characters all of which start off in their on their of wavelengths and agendas and whom all of which end up thrown into the same central storyline,and theres only 77 minuets to get all of this beginning, middled and ended, and damn skippy does it do it's job.The set-up is classic,the kills are as nasty as they come while still being spaced well apart so as not to beat you over the head with blood and guts to distract from anything lacking or any of that crap, the pace is swift AND smooth, never terribly slow or boring or grating on you,( it's like the film equivalent of a good light beer) the characters are a damn good balance of "God, just die in hell" and "Oh they're not so bad", the nudity deserves an honorary mention(the shower scenes are just a hair away from straight pornography,the best kind of shower scenes) and the dialogue is spare and honest, spoken with natural execution by a solid cast of kids.And let's not forget our driller killer, played almost wordlessly with genuine menace by Michele Michaels.Add all this up, and you've got the near-perfect addition to the slasher movie toolbox, the original, the best, "The Slumber Party Massacre".

This one is for the Ladies! Top 5 Horrifying Disney Villains (Animated movies)

2010-09-07T13:07:00.000-07:00

og2So we haven't been able to watch the next movie yet due to time issues and other obligations but fear not it will get done within the week.
As a filler and to give a little something to the Ladies i have scoured my Disney collection to fine the
Top 5 horrifying Disney Villains
well to me when i was a kid.

5) Percival McLeach from The Rescuers Down Under (1990)
Voiced By: George C. Scott
First off being a poacher is bad enough. McLeach wont let any one stand in the way of what he wants not even a little boy. Doesn't think twice of just killing the kid. (we are lead to believe that kidnapping this kid wasn't his first because of a news story early on in the video) people who kidnap kids scare me and he is no exception.

4) Scar the Lion from Lion King (1994)
Voiced By : Jeremy Irons
Not one of my favorite movies but Scar defiantly left an impression on me
with his semi Nazi rule. First off he Kills his brother in cold blood and attempts to kill his nephew all so he can be king. His song "be prepared" was more or a rhythmic talking that just make it more scary and those hyenas reminded me of Nazi troops making me feel uncomfortable.

3) Judge Claude Frollo From The Hunchback of Notre Dame (1996)
Voiced by: Tony Jay
This guy scared the pants off me. His character is based in real life and true events.
He strives to be as pure as driven snow but his soul becomes black as coal in the process. Hiding behind religion as a source of ultimate POWER. Frollo is as corrupt as they come.

2) Professor Ratigan from The great Mouse Detective (1986)
Voiced By: Vincent Price
What a wildly insane Rat. Drug trafficking, Crime Boss, kidnapper, planning on over throwing the muse government Alls in a good days work for this Professor. I'm kind of curious what he is a professor of.....Crime?
With his crime mouses, a bat with a broken wing and a peg leg as well as a very FAT cat at his side I'm suprised he wasnt able to take over the crown sooner.

We have a tie for number one these two villains effected my early childhood to the point where I would hide under the covers when they came on.

1) Maleficent from Sleeping Beauty (1959)
Voiced By: Eleanor Audley
with her purple and black ensemble complete with menacing crow. maleficent has been dubbed the mistress of all evil. Her chilly voice complements the animations so well and the fact that she can turn in to a dragon with all the fury of hell really makes Maleficent a villain to remember

1) Satan/ Chernabog from Fantasia (1940)
Animated by : Bill Tytla
Animated to the tune with the same title Written to entice the listener in to the old practices of witchcraft in Ukraine. This Being haunt nightmares and frightens children around the world. He pulls spirits from gravesyards, moats, and hangman nooses to gather them in to the pits of fire for his amusement.
The animator really put his all in to this by studying actors such as Bela Lugosi but he still was't pleased until he ended up filming himself as the live action model. This Scene still gives me the creeps !

Well if you have a Disney animated villain that scared you as a kid and we missed it feel free to comment. And if you didn't have a chance to see any of these videos I suggest watching them.

A Thin Layer of Sleaze

2010-08-29T12:54:00.000-07:00

Seeing how we're still fairly new to this we thought it would be a good idea to keep things fresh, ya know sorta throw a little something different in here now and then, cause if you've read our epilogue you'll already know that we have a long way to go and it's way too early to start letting this get stale. Now for this week's review we're going into exploitation territory with the 1978 Cameron Mitchell vehicle "The Toolbox Murders".

Our film opens with a moody urban-decay type night shot of the inside of a car driven by an unseen occupant down the streets of what could very well be NewDenvAngelesYorkLasChicago or whatever. But our drive is suddenly interupted as we freeze frame while the scream of a crashing vehicle assaults our senses and we begin to see intercuts of a car accident and it's interveening stages(paramedics load a body,police inspect the car's damage, girl in accident dies at hospital) ,all of this shown in a luscious Didn't-add-eneough-KoolAid powder-to-the-water orange tinge.(oh yeah, that's car crash orange mama).

Although the car crash scenes reek of the 1970's, this scene is actually handled really kinda well, taking a neat ,quiet nontraditional way of establishing the perverbial tragedy that runs through this film and drives the actions of the film's antagonist.Without beating us over the head with a loud or obnoxious execution of an already hackneyed scenario, the film in a way suggests it, just puts it there quiet and compact but with a good amount of effect and sense and then moves along.

Now if you haven't gotten it from the bloodred title card or the little "antagonist" slip from the preceeding paragraph, this IS a sleazy slasher exploitation flick and (oh, no shit) the phantom driver is our killer, driving to his kill.His killing grounds are a seedy, swinging shag-carpeted and particleboard adorned apartment complex filled with the best throw-away assortment of drinky,smokey ,man crazy and bathtub-masturbatin' 70's ladies you could ask for,and perfect targets for our skimasked killer and his giant toolbox of fun and games.In the first ten minuets we are privvey to four of the coolest,most mean spirited day-glo bloodiest killings, along with some very not bad nudity and a little goofeyness, not yet equaled in the first ten minuets of most movies.

The killer does his thing and moves along, making way for the harried police and their off the mark theories about why the women were killed all this while they confer with the apartment super(played with great underwhelmed relish by Cameron Mitchell).As the police chase their tails and exhaust ideas, the killer strikes again, this time sparing his victim and kidnapping her instead,sending the girl's brother to the aid of the police in an attempt to zero in on the killer and the girl alive. The brother decides to find his sister himself gathering information from his friend (who just happens to be the landlords nephew) He runs around in circles until he gets end up getting himself killed. Leaving the sister to fend for herself.

The basis of this story were actual evens in the late 60's and its really a impressive dramatization of the events.
the Girl was eventually found and spent time healing in psychiatric institute. Finally moving on to live her life.

Are YOU having a Tommy Jarvis moment?

2010-08-22T20:08:00.000-07:00

Dear Horror Fans,
Are you suffering mental brake down from being Corey Feldman as a child?
Are you haunted by a serial killer that killed your whole family(and your dog)?
Do you carry around random masks to each halfway house/mental institution you visit?
Do you like to dig up graves just to mutilate the corpse because you have Jason issues?
Do you kiss with your eyes open? (extremely rude if you ask me!)

If you answered yes to any of these questions you maybe Tommy Jarvis.... Sniveling little puke that has plagued not one but three Friday the 13th movies. At the end of Jason V they hint at Tommy picking up where Jason left off and hence becoming the new "Jason". When he is in the hospital and finds the (ahem, wrong) hockey mask in the dresser only to put it on and crash out the glass window letting the credits roll.

Cut to a few years later(now the beginning of Jason Lives) Tommy Jarvis and his friend ,friggin Horshack, are driving out the the cemetery where Jason is buried to you guessed it. Dig up Jason! (super smart plan there Tommy) Once they open the casket Tommy has one of his moments and starts to stab the corpse with a metal spike. (during a thunder storm) Lightning hits the pole and reanimates Jason.(nice friekin' play, Shakespeare)

The town of crystal lake has apparently moved on and changed there name to Forest Green and are opening the camp again. fulled with the usual camp staff but this time 90's style complete with crimped hair, sweat pants and suspenders for that classic camel toe look. Little do they know that Jason is coming back.

Now this Film takes a different formula than the other classic films where you have the teens away from any adult that can possibly help them. Here they have adults to help, well in the last half of the movie they do. Not only that but we have a few characters that you can feel an attachment to and don't want to see die. (but if they have to die you want it to be EPIC)

The movie defiantly had a great feel as well and a good story progression. It tried to be a little but more comical than the other movies but still hold true to the mythology that was set down by the first four movies. I will say go ahead and watch it, perfect end of summer, date movie, or first time horror flick.

And then there was those two crappy movies...... yeah sorry about that!

2010-08-13T21:44:00.000-07:00

Yes... we all knew it would come,eventually, to this.But then again any discussion of horror films in any capacity
always has to come down to the "Friday the 13th" films. Knowing that reviewing these films can make or break your opinions about my tastes in "Classic or Iconic Films" I really have gone through great lengths to take the film in with an open mind and through various viewpoints. Cleverly coming up with logical reasons why the films were taken in these directions, how they worked, and how they failed.

Friday the 13th Part 5: A New Beginning(1985) -Starting with what I've been told is the absolute lowest point in the series' history, begins with Tommy Jarvis (the little kid from the fourth movie) all grown up and being transported from a mental institution to this half way house. Here they introduce all the regular assortment of cast. The fat one, the pretty one, The jock, the Loser, and the sex fiend. This movie kind of drags at first kill.The fat one pisses off the mean one and the mean one kills the fat one thus the high point of the movie comes and goes before we even get to the point(i use that term loosely). The local police and medical officials report to the scene to blah blah bloobloo and we get the feeling something is off here as upon viewing the body of fatty fatty fat fat(God i hate the fat kid) he casts a shifty glance menacingly somewhere off camera, and while we get an idea that this guy will have something to do with something somewhere down the line because the whole thing is so transparent(Fatty Deadshit is the ambulance drivers son) we as the audience don't see the backhanded result that bookends this movie. So with that out of the way all the folks we've seen so far begin to die one by one by either Jason himself or a Jason copycat,as the inter cut town officials and police speculate about , further sabotaging any chance of letting the movie keep it's rotten little trick secret, as the story limps along at an uninteresting and redundant pace.The story finally eeks to the final showdown of between "a" Jason and black Elliot(watch it and you'll see what i mean), the guy who gave Indiana Jones his hat and a woman who wears high-heeled cowboy boots in the woods,resulting in Jason falling from a barn and galling on a bed of spikes, thus revealing the so far indestructible killer as...Roy the ambulance driver from the fat kid scene who has taken it upon himself to become impervious to bullets,bulldozers and a myriad of injury without so much as a peep all the while masquerading as Jason Voorhees.Yep, this film does NOT have Jason in it but it exists in the Friday the 13th film series anyway, and although the film is hated universally,usually for only that reason, it is as a film a confounding mess that should be avoided at all costs.

Now in some fairness i can see what direction they were attempting to go with this by trying to go in a different direction and put in something fresh, but it was all handled so damn badly that if unless you can get past the pain in your head this movie and everything about it gives you you're never gonna see that. It's painfully inconsistent, ignores any preexisting groundwork or mythology that could easily be referenced but is not through what seems like pure laziness and is such a damn mess that it's central character(besides not even being it's ACTUAL central character)basically has no right to exist within the parameters the film portrays him within,but exist he does and furthermore without any logical explanation as to why an EMT with a smoldering grudge can withstand the punishment and beating he takes without so much as a groan.And,yeah yeah, the same could be said about Jason himself, but we're not talking about Jason,the icon of horror who we can't even to ourselves explain why we love him and regard him in such an iconic and endearing position. No we're talking about Roy the fucking EMT, being seen as Jason, being fought as Jason, surviving and killing and as far as we know until the last ten minuets being Jason,but he's not.He just isn't, and it's cheap and mean and we have to put up with a lot of crap to get a whole to get what we get.But i digress, ya get the point.So if you've found this helpful in anyway then stay with us as we review what seems to be the producers way of making it up to us for this turkey "Friday the 13th part 6:Jason Lives"coming soon

I survived "Sole Survivor"

2010-08-08T17:54:00.000-07:00

Eager for the challenge of reviewing some good movies I glanced over the titles all lined up perfectly on the shelf of my living room. With 300 titles it took about 20 minutes before I had seen all the titles and picked out the first movie to watch.

"Sole Survivor" (1982)

Sole Survivor was put on video by Vestron Video based out of Stanford CT. Written and directed by Thom Eberhardt. With the Running time at 85 minutes and a rating as R, this movie seemed like a good place to start.

The box art (as seen in the picture above) The cover depicts a Airplane Radar with a scull and some ghostly hands . The radar comes in to play in the movie in a great way showing how less can be more in filming when done right.

We start this movie with some interesting cut scenes of a plane taking off and a women in her bedroom having some sort of episode to really annoying screaching music. Finally suspense builds as we cut to the air traffic controllers and the radar as they we follow the plane and it disappears off the radar. Cut to panning over limbs and dismembered bodies as we focus on out main character, Denise Watson. shes just sitting in her chair stiff as a board (we can only assume that she was the only one who had there tray table up and there chair in the upright position) As she gets brought to a hospital she mentions that the other weren't dead that some of them were moving.These exclamations are dismissed by the hospital officials but seem to hold very real significance to Denise, as they are the beginnings of odd feelings that slowly find their way into Denise's awareness.

Ghostly specters seem to follow Denise, always staring creating suspense for the viewers, as well as causing paranoia for Denise. The Doctor assumes the she is just suffering from "survivors syndrome" and the police think she is a whack job. The only person who believes her is a crazy actress who claims to be psychic . The actress tries to explain to Denise that death wont stop it will chase her until it finishes its job. Thus Denise and anyone who figures this out must die.

A dead man brakes in to Denise's house later that night and ends up killing the neighbor and things start to pick up until everyone is dead and in the morgue. The coroner putting the pieces together starts to document the events when you notice in the background a body sit up as the credits roll.

The movie was really more suspenseful than scary but it really worked well in a creepy way because no one likes to be stared at. I attribute that to a bit of the animal in us all where we feel challenged or threatened by a person just staring at us. Defiantly a movie to watch if you can get your hands on a copy. I couldn't help but notice a similarity to the final destination series from 2000 as well as a movie called "soul survivors" (2001) with the actress Elisa Dushku, as the plot idea was very similar. Both of these films have the same idea based off this original, some one cheats death and now death wont stop until it kills them. But nothing compares to Original source material.

Next up lets take a look at a summertime classic ..........lets take a bite out of the Jason franchise with Jason V

It came from beyond...well, more like Connecticut.

2010-08-08T17:11:00.000-07:00

When I started dating my wonderful partner He warned me he had a hobby. Me being me didn't think much of it every one has a hobby and are better for it.
Then I saw it!........ Huge!............. monstrous!

and in TECHNICOLOR!

Yes his hobby is collecting Horror movies, More specifically VHS horror films dating from "Phantom of the Opera" starring Lon Chaney (1920's) to the recently updated "The Wolfman" on DVD (2009). He has collected over 600 different horror titles. So many movies and over 95% I have never even heard of, and like the Killer Tomatoes or the Great Mogwai uprising it just keeps getting BIGGER! (seriously my living room has been taken over.)

One fateful night in a way to grow closer to my man I decided I would attempt to watch the entire collection and take these bizarre,gruesome and sometimes absolutely ridiculous journeys with him. Starting with the VHS. Having around 300 VHS titles I needed a way to keep them all organized. As well as document my experiences , blogging fit that perfectly.

So come join me on my voyage in to the abyss that is the HORROR FILM!